she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
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I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
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Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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