Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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