Cold hands, warm shart.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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