I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
