dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
