he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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