Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
