the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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