Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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