Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
