the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
