So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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