yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
