Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
