i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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