you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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