Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
