dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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