Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
