i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm really busy with my period
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