We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
only you would photoshop your dick
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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