You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
