Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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