I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Be still, my beating vagina.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
