ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex