the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.