you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.