I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.