I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?