i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants