my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.