What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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