You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
