cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
