I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
