you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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