a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
