he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I feel like death gave me a hand job
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
