i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize