We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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