I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
