At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
