i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
