Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
