sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
