Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
