still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
