What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
