its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize