Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
