I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i was born a porn star she said
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
