My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
