i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
