There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
