the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
