We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
