it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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