Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize