do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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