I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
