I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Actions speak louder than pants.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
