For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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