Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
