the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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