yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
