found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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