Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize