East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
