theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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