I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
