i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize