He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
